Well here I am again not sleeping while he snoozes away. I am yet again going to bed feeling inadequate. We had sex 2 nights ago and while it was very nice, I am still wondering what I am going to have to do for the next couple weeks until he decides to touch me again. The pills he is taking are somewhat helping some of his physical symptoms. He is tired less often and wakes up much easier than before when he gets up in the morning. He isn't feeling sick after his meals as much and seems to be in a better mood more often.....BUT the one issue that seems to be at a stand still is his drive to make me happy. Not just the sex drive....because I really don't expect that to feel better this soon (though it would be nice). His drive to do any of the other things I poured out to him that I needed last week or so...nothing has changed. He doesn't kiss me more or hold me more. He isn't considering my feelings more or making any more advances to me at bedtime. I HATE the sleeping pill. I hate it because its stolen any chance for any kind of romance we had right out from under us. I hate it because he now has a neverending excuse on why he can't make love to me....because its so fast working that once he takes it, hes done! So now even if I want to try and perk him up when we get in bed, he's already taken that damn pill and therefore will be snoring in minutes. I have to attempt to mention the idea of sex before we are even getting ready for bed. Talk about unromantic and totally mechanical.
me- "you wanna hold off on your pill tonight for a little while?"
him- "I guess I can." OR "I'm already feeling foggy and out of it"
What the hell is the point in that! If there were any smidgen of romance left at our bedtime or any element of surprise....its sure gone now. So on top of no affection and caring words (which I have made explicitly clear I'm missing out on) I now have to race the sleeping pill to bed. Wonderful. Something else to compete for his attention over. Yay for me....NOT.
Guess I'll just have to get used to this for awhile, and continue to have the same night over and over...as the calendar passes date by date.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Same night, different date
Posted by Unknown at 9:07 PM
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3 comments:
I attempted a response to this last Sunday and apparently it didn't save... growl! It was really long and heartfelt, and now Im forced to summarize what I wrote and sound insolent, when it wasn't at all how I was thinking/feeling at the time... so here goes...
1. You are not alone, I love you
2. Life is hard and for whatever reason we are MEANT to suffer, crazy, eh????
3. Our spouses are not the leaders God intended them to be and therefore it is vital that we live as God commands us to by being a Godly woman, a living example of who Christ is for them to see and learn from our love and example... Proverbs 31 too! Don't forget, we r far from perfect too... darn humans!
4. Lastly, always be praying for them... I am praying for u.
One of the things I have learned from my marriage is... who says it is less romantic if we tell them?! I think it may be MORE romantic!
My husband and I struggled with this for awhile. I would wait for him to come home from work, and wait to be hugged and kissed... or on bad days, I would expect flowers. lol. It was pure craziness. Only because he had NO idea that is what I wanted- it just lead me to get more and more frustrated every day. Finally we went on a marriage retreat and one of the things they spoke of, is what I am speaking of now. Tell him what you want! Give him the chance to follow-through. Now, not only are you GETTING what you want, you are giving him the opportunity to SERVE you as his wife. Don't think just because we have to make it clear what we want that is is less romantic, consider it more so because it shows that our husbands want to give and serve us. Praying for you all.
Jen, thanks for your advice. I want so badly to just be able to follow it and everything to be ok. If I could just do that and it work out, I probably wouldn't need this blog nearly as much. The problem isnt that he4 doesnt know what I WANT (or need in my case) its that there is no desire in his heart for the intimacy that a husband and wife should share. Admittedly things are slightly better than they were a month or so ago...but we have a long way to go. I am having him tested for low testosterone and (while I feel terrible about this) I am actually praying that it comes back as low! this enry in the blog was one night in a long string of nights where i felt disappointed, unwanted, ugly, unattractive, and desperate. So now that you understand the issue more completely, you can be praying for the whole problem with the understanding of it. Thanks for the encouragement.
Kris- we already talked about this...I appreciate you so much. Thanks to both of you for being trusted enough to share this with.
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