Same night, different date

Well here I am again not sleeping while he snoozes away. I am yet again going to bed feeling inadequate. We had sex 2 nights ago and while it was very nice, I am still wondering what I am going to have to do for the next couple weeks until he decides to touch me again. The pills he is taking are somewhat helping some of his physical symptoms. He is tired less often and wakes up much easier than before when he gets up in the morning. He isn't feeling sick after his meals as much and seems to be in a better mood more often.....BUT the one issue that seems to be at a stand still is his drive to make me happy. Not just the sex drive....because I really don't expect that to feel better this soon (though it would be nice). His drive to do any of the other things I poured out to him that I needed last week or so...nothing has changed. He doesn't kiss me more or hold me more. He isn't considering my feelings more or making any more advances to me at bedtime. I HATE the sleeping pill. I hate it because its stolen any chance for any kind of romance we had right out from under us. I hate it because he now has a neverending excuse on why he can't make love to me....because its so fast working that once he takes it, hes done! So now even if I want to try and perk him up when we get in bed, he's already taken that damn pill and therefore will be snoring in minutes. I have to attempt to mention the idea of sex before we are even getting ready for bed. Talk about unromantic and totally mechanical.
me- "you wanna hold off on your pill tonight for a little while?"
him- "I guess I can." OR "I'm already feeling foggy and out of it"
What the hell is the point in that! If there were any smidgen of romance left at our bedtime or any element of surprise....its sure gone now. So on top of no affection and caring words (which I have made explicitly clear I'm missing out on) I now have to race the sleeping pill to bed. Wonderful. Something else to compete for his attention over. Yay for me....NOT.
Guess I'll just have to get used to this for awhile, and continue to have the same night over and over...as the calendar passes date by date.

I wonder if I could....

Well I decided to post while I wait for this horrible storm thats heading in to pass. J and I are waiting it out until its past the danger zone, then going to bed.
Tonight I began the thought process behind starting my own little side project for some extra money. I was looking at all the nail designs I have come up with and I was remembering all the various compliments I have gotten on them since I started doing my own designs. I got to thinking how nail art is very much in style right now and how much women pay for a stylish well done nail job. I am by no means interested in becoming a "nail tech" because I don't think I have the patience for the acrylic, but I love doing the paint and design aspect.
This thought led me to the idea of doing nails for some money at home. Referral only clients (because lets face it you can't just let anyone into your house these days). I was thinking what would I need to get started? Then I looked into some more intricate designs online and realized I have most what I need...except for a few inexpensive tools/brushes. I decided that I will begin trying out some new designs and post the pictures to FB in effort to generate interest and see where that leads.
I also began to think that instead of just taking the money I earn doing this little project (if any) I will save it up for a family vacation, or something special along those lines. I figure if I take appointments once a week to start off, at least until there is a bigger interest, and charge $10-$15 per set (pending on how much work they want done) that will give me a good starting point to see where the demand is and how well I can fill it. If nothing else it will give me a little joy in putting my art on peoples hands. I also figure that if I have other people's nails to do my own nails wouldn't get so much attention, and therefore would get a little rest. I love painting so much now (and the thrill of coming up with new ideas) that I have started painting my own almost every day just so I can keep using my ideas. This is not a good thing for a couple reasons. First off my nail designs are my art work...and its hard to say goodbye to my art even if its to make room for another masterpiece. Second, this much attention from chemicals is actually not great for your nails. They get dry and therefore don't hold onto the polish as well as they should. (Note: I;m currently in search of an adequate cure for this issue and am trying out a few basecoats with moisture in them. Will let you know how that goes and what works best)
Right now all this is just a bunch of ideas in my head floating around while I wait for this stupid storm to hit us as hard as they say its going to. Speaking of the storm I better shut down and disconnect before it hits. Night all.

Take Two

Wow what a difference today with G. She woke up almost an hour earlier than needed, which sucks getting up early...but I'll take it over dragging her out of bed and fighting. She got ready in a pleasant mood, played well with her sister until time for school and then left willingly and excitedly for class. I am so relieved to be in a better place today. It would be totally amazing for this to continue. Lets just pray that the bad night actually had an impact on her and she felt actual guilt and remorse for how last night went. I feel like we are maybe going to turn a corner.....lets hope for forward progress!!
Tomorrow is my sister's birthday...and my niece's 21st birthday party...I'm so excited to spend the evening with the two of them. Piano bar in STL will be a blast and I have been appointed official stylist of the b-day girl (niece) so I get to play with her hair all afternoon. I can't wait to see her. AND I get to spend the morning with my best friend. All in all I am pretty optimistic about tomorrow.

Today was a hard afternoon and I can't wait for my day off tomorrow. I am so frustrated with my oldest daughter sometimes and I can't figure out how to really get our family dynamic back to normal. I am so stressed with that at times that I can't focus on anything else around here. She is so adorable and funny and sweet when she wants to be, but there are times that I don't even know what to do with her. When she does something wrong and is corrected she shows no remorse. Her dad and I (being divorced) are both unsure how to proceed with these issues and with J (my husband) working so many hours its hard to be unstressed about feeling like this.
The time we spent together today went like this-
wake her up for school and fight her  the whole morning to get ready for school (clothes, teeth, hair, shoes, backpack)
pick her up from school and she immediately starts to complain that she is in a bad mood because she has a little school project to do. (shes in kindergarden, how big can this project be?) I get her into a better mood about the project and we go home and do it. Once its done she plays with her sister for a while without fighting with her or back-talking me. After awhile the fighting starts and I can't put either of them in a good mood after it begins. Then we decided to get ready for bed. This starts with picking up the toys in both their rooms and then we move on to baths. Well the picking up....obviously isn't going to go well. When G (my oldest) is in a bad mood A (my youngest) will follow suit as all toddlers do. The battle continues into the tub where she doesn't want to cooperate. I ended up having to call her dad and get his take on the night. He ends up taking the position that she goes straight to bed tonight early without snack or story. 
Finally she ended up in bed, in tears, and feeling guilty for all the mean things she had said...FINALLY a reaction to her behavior. She did end up apologizing to me for things and we managed to say goodnight well. I just can't understand where all this comes from. Being 6 is supposed to be fun and its supposed to be a joy to watch. With G all I do is dread the next fight. How do I change the way we relate to each other and how do I put myself in a better position to show her the better side of herself and encourage her to let us see that part more than the other?